Changing Change

It is often said that change is the only constant in life. If this is true, then why does it carry such negative connotation? As humans living in an ever-developing world, change is inevitable. However, it is something we fear. In fact, most people say that they would rather be unhappy than uncertain. It is likely that the way we view change can be traced back to something in our early childhood development or it may even be a result of our environment. As one who dropped out of AP Psychology before the first quarter ended, I am unable to dive into the scientific side of it all… BUT as one who has been through abundant change within this last month, I can share how that experience has given me a new outlook.

After months of feeling stagnant in many aspects of my life, the floodgates opened and before I could comprehend what was happening, I was drowning in a sea of change. Overwhelmed and excited, I searched for something familiar to grab hold of. I found myself juggling a move for work, a promotion, a new relationship, friendships and major financial decisions all in the blink of an eye. Everything happened fast and I was excited. This excitement buried the crippling panic that only appeared at the most inconvenient times. Although these were the changes that I had been asking for, I still felt afraid. I began to feel a strain on my relationships and attitude at work. I got everything that I wanted but I was falling apart at the seam.

After a couple of weeks, everything finally began to feel normal again. I was finding my groove at work. I was out nearly every night with friends. I was taking care of my body. I felt ok, but just when I got comfortable, more changes came running toward me. Some were expected, others were not. This time, the changes most severely impacted my relationships. I was heartbroken and confused. I put so much weight on these specific aspects of my life during that time of transition, that for a moment it felt like the whole world was caving in.

As I previously stated, change is the only constant. However, it does not have to be an external force working against you. Change can happen internally to propel you toward your goals. What got me through the most challenging and rewarding month of my life was not the changes that the world decided for me, but the change in mindset that I decided for myself. On the hardest night, I made a conscious decision to not be bitter about my circumstances. Instead I would be grateful for where they have led me.

Since making that decision, I can honestly say that I am doing better than I ever have. I love my job. I am building the relationships that build me up as well. I am spending more time in nature. I am pursuing new hobbies. I am writing again. I am happy.

When I feel like the world around me is crumbling, I hold onto the idea that the most impactful change I can create is internal.

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